More B-Movie Madness

Just when you think it's safe to watch another B-movie, Alan Spencer returns with B-Movie Attack, the sequel to the wild B-Movie Reels.  And just like the first book, you can expect a lot of gore and many outrageous movie characters coming to life.

B-Movie Attack picks up where B-Movie Reels left off, only this time the main characters are a down-on-his-luck director, a parking meter maid, his live-in girlfriend, and his best friend.  The scene also changes from a small town in Kansas to Chicago, where the possibilities grow, and the characters that survived from the first book (flying lesbian vampires, in case you're asking) devise a plan to put the living on the same level as the dead.  It starts with the director playing one of his movies, and soon, flying lesbian vampires, a deranged baker, zombie construction worker with bulldozer, and several psychotic schoolgirls with weapons such as maces and axes, among other movie creatures come to life and begin taking out the citizens of Chicago.  It is up to the director, parking meter maid, and his friends to stop the monsters from killing off Chicago before it is too late.

Alan Spencer follows the formula from B-Movie Reels and adds to it on B-Movie Attack, which is no easy task, considering that Chicago is much larger than Anderson Mills, KS (the scene of B-Movie Reels).  Yes, the reason for the movie characters attacking the living is a little convoluted, but it falls in line with just about any B-movie you can think of, right down to the hokey logic.  The gore is certainly there, and it is actually amplified in this novel, as Spencer gets outrageous with characters such as a guy who has his intestines attack people and a 500 foot hooker (undoubtedly inspired by an actual movie).  If you enjoyed the first book, then you will enjoy B-Movie Attack, and even if you're unfamiliar with either book, if you watch a lot of B-movies, then reading the books should be high on your list.

Eight More Years...with High Risks

In a move that will give the Anaheim Ducks a sense of stability for next season (and beyond), they gave center Ryan Getzlaf a contract extension.  The deal, 8 years with an average salary cap hit of $8.25 million, or a $66 million deal, not only sees the Ducks keep their captain for the foreseeable future, but also sets a template for how they could work on the deal with Corey Perry.  With nine goals and 18 assists this year, Getzlaf has experienced something of an offensive resurgence in what would have been his walk year.  However, this is also the first time since he was named captain in 2010 that he has produced to his capabilities.  Obviously, having Perry as a teammate takes some of the pressure off, and should the Ducks not resign Perry after the season, this is a move that could backfire on the Ducks in a big way.  Keep in mind that the Ducks have to lose Teemu Selanne to retirement some time, and their defense is not exactly top notch, and given that Jonas Hiller could be traded, that would leave a significant hole in net.  The Ducks went all in on Getzlaf...they better hope it turns out to be the right decision.

The Good Ol' Hockey Game

On Wednesday night, Stompin' Tom Connors died at his home in Ontario at the age of 77.  He was a country-folk singer who was well known in Canada, most notably for "The Hockey Song," a song that you undoubtedly hear at any hockey arena in Canada.  Connors carved out a pretty good career, but his legacy will forever be defined by a song that is synonymous with hockey.

And in case you have yet to hear "The Hockey Song," here you go:

Peters Signs with the Stars

If you were wondering where Portland Winterhawks center Taylor Peters was going to play next year (and I'm sure that means Mr. Peters' immediate family and Winterhawks fans), wonder no more, as he has signed a three-year entry contract with the Dallas Stars beginning next season.  An overager, Peters provides the Stars some depth in the center position, as well as a dependable player that will help out on faceoffs and be what Manny Malhotra was with Vancouver before the eye injury: a solid third liner that has the ability to help on the penalty kill.  As for the other two overagers on the Winterhawks, Mac Carruth will be in the Chicago Blackhawks system and Troy Rutkowski's destination remains unknown as of this time, though it is possible he could get drafted this year.

Peterborough Express: Now or Never

The Petes remain four points out of a playoff spot, behind both Kingston and Mississauga for the seventh seed in the Eastern Conference.  A win Thursday against Ottawa 4-3 was followed by a 6-3 loss at Sudbury on Friday and a 4-0 shutout at the hands of Sault St. Marie on Sunday.

The last five games will be the most telling in the Petes' quest for a playoff spot, as they take on Kingston twice (this Thursday and on March 15), Mississauga on March 12, Ottawa on the 10th, and close out the season at Brampton on March 17.  For those keeping score at home, that's three games against the teams the Petes are trying to catch up to, a game against the last place 67s, and the season-ender at a playoff team in Brampton.  If the Petes play well and can win all four games, it could mean a playoff spot by the time they play Brampton, but they absolutely have to take care of business on their own end.

Winterhawks Weekly: Needing Repair

This past week was not very kind to the Winterhawks.  Losing all three games in regulation for the first time this season, it could not have come at a worse time, as the Winterhawks need to be ready for the playoffs.  A 4-2 loss at Tri-City on Tuesday was followed up by a 4-3 loss at home against Edmonton.  Saturday saw the Winterhawks lose at Everett 4-2.

There's only six games left in the season, and the Winterhawks need to get things right if they want a long playoff season.  It starts Tuesday at home against Everett and continue Sunday on the road against Victoria.

Staying Put

Within hours of signing an offer sheet with Calgary, Ryan O'Reilly will be returning to the Colorado Avalanche after they decided to match the offer.  If you want to know the details of what Calgary was offering, read the previous piece.  Today is about why Colorado came out the big loser...and why they were losers no matter the outcome.

By matching the offer, the Avs eventually gave in to O'Reilly's contract demands, thus making general manager Greg Sherman looking like a complete doofus.  This is a deal that could backfire, as it is unknown as to whether O'Reilly will be happy upon his return.  If O'Reilly is unhappy, that means the Avs will have to deal with him for an entire year, as they cannot trade him until February 28, 2014.  That's a whole year of potential trouble.  The other side of the coin would be if O'Reilly was allowed to walk after the seven day period to Calgary.  Had the Avs let him go to a division rival in Calgary, it would have brought the same amount of vitriol to the team that they did not need any more of, as it would mean O'Reilly could have a minimum of five games to stick it to his old team.  In short, the Avs let it go for far too long, and I would not be surprised if both Sherman and coach Joe Sacco were given their walking papers at the end of the season, particularly if they don't get into the playoffs.