Wrestlemania 2: the Cliff Notes version

Ever since I began this blog, I have written about almost everything that I happen to like.  Today, since the Stanley Cup Finals won't end until Sunday at the earliest, and the World Cup isn't until next week, I figure that there has been one thing I haven't talked about yet: pro wrestling.  I am sure that those who follow or read this will undoubtedly roll their eyes at the thought of me talking about two grown men "acting" in what amounts to a softcore porn.  Before I get to today's subject Wrestlemania 2, I would like to say that it wasn't always that way, but if you need someone to point the finger at for pro wrestling acting gay, point it at one Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

That rant out of the way, on to Wrestlemania 2, perhaps the worst Wrestlemania of them all, although the last two could challenge for that distinction.  So, here's the rundown of the card for this Wrestlemania, as held in New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles, with some "witty remarks":

"Magnificent" Don Muraco vs. "Mr. Wonderful"  Paul Orndorff: pretty decent match on paper, bullshit in practice, as this ended in a count out.

George "The Animal" Steele vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage (Intercontinental Championship match): One of the better matches on the card, which isn't saying much.

George Wells vs. Jake "The Snake" Roberts: Squash match, with a pre-fighting the demons Roberts winning and Wells spewing something white out of his mouth after having Roberts' snake Damien put on him.

Mr. T vs. Roddy Piper: Boxing match that was pointless.  No idiots in cars, though.

Velvet McIntyre vs. Fabulous Moolah (Women's Championship match): Shortest match most notable for a wardrobe malfunction on McIntyre's part.

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Corporal Kirchner (Flag match): Nothing of note here.

20 man battle royal: Wrestlers and NFL stars of that time, won by Andre the Giant.

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and Brutus Beefcake vs. the British Bulldogs (Tag Team Championship match): Decent match, won by the Bulldogs.

Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky Steamboat: Nothing to really see here, Steamboat won.

"Adorable" Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer: Worst match on the card, I want my ten minutes back.

The Funks (Terry and Hoss) vs. Tito Martel and Junkyard Dog: No, that's not a typo, I really did write "Tito Martel" and I don't remember who won.

King Kong Bundy vs. Hulk Hogan (Steel cage WWF Championship match): Better known as the Baby Blue Jungle Gym match between Shamu and the Orange Goblin, with the Goblin refusing to job, as usual.