An Open Letter to Seahawks Fans from "Al Davis"

I rarely ever talk about football because it's generally a four month coverage sport that already has many talking heads.  Obviously, that means I will leave it up to them to talk up the sport.  However, in light of recent developments involving the Oakland Raiders and Seattle Seahawks, today is a little different.  In fact, I will turn this piece over to someone named "Al Davis."  Without further ado, here is "Al."

Dear Seattle Seahawks fans,


I know you're still pissed off that Matt Hasselbeck bolted your team and in his place is a medicore quarterback named Travaris Jackson, who mind you lost his starting job in Minnesota to an old man. I suppose you're wondering why I am writing to you if that development angers you.  As you may also know, your team has picked up three people who were once in my organization: Robert Gallery, Tom Cable, and Zach Miller.  First, I'd like to say that Gallery was someone who was woefully miscast as a tackle, but once he switched to guard, he became serviceable.  However, serviceable isn't good enough for me, as it doesn't jive with my motto "Commitment to Excellence."  Besides, he wanted out, so he's your problem now.  On to your offensive line coach Cable, who was my head coach last year.  All I have to say is hide your women and keep an eye on your assistant coaches.  And Miller, how the hell did he get away from us and sign on with your team?  If I ever find out who switched my medications, I will hunt you down!


In closing, I'd like to say enjoy missing the playoffs this coming season.  What's that?  You play in the NFC West?  Oh, crap!!!!!!


Not respectfully yours, 


Al Davis