I Watched This Game: It Was Wretched

On this episode of "I watched this game," I will examine the mess that was the Vancouver Canucks taking on the Washington Capitals. Because it was a mess, today's thoughts will be done as if the WWE stable New Day were penning this, so with that in mind, "It's a New Day, yes it is!"

• "Ohhhhh, Landover! Don't you dare be sour! Clap for your new 500 goal scorer, and feel the powwwaaaahhhh!!!" The Capitals held a pregame ceremony for Alex Ovechkin in honor of him joining the 500 goal club. The usual highlight package was mostly scrapped for some of the other 500 goal members (plus Pavel Bure) sending their congratulations. This would be followed by the Caps front office and Ovechkin's parents and fiancee joining him at center ice for a presentation of a specially made stick. In all, it was nice, but then the game started.
• No New Day references for the first period, as nobody scored or took a penalty.
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• Holy smokes, somebody found Tom Green!
• Alex Edler sits for two minutes, as he gets called for a penalty.
• The Canucks manage to kill off the penalty, but Edler turns the puck over, leading to a two on one the other way that sees Evgeny Kuznetsov put the Caps up 1-0.
• Linden Vey high sticks, and that is a no-no, so two for him in the box.
• Nicklas Backstrom gets called for a trip, but Edler also goes for bad acting.
• Another defensive lapse by Vancouver leads to Karl Alzner bring by himself at the blue line, where he fires a laser past Ryan Miller to put the Caps up 2-0.
• Backstrom gets called for a hook, but Vancouver can't put one past Braden Holtby.
• Period ends with Vancouver down two and with little life offensively. Of course, Derek Dorsett is playing with the Sedins, which is proof that even they can't make everyone better that plays on the same line as them.
• Third period begins, and just two minutes in, Tom Wilson scores to make it all but over.
• Marcus Johansson and Brooks Laich take penalties less than a minute apart, putting Vancouver two men up, which they manage to score just as the two man advantage was up thanks to Radim Vrbata scoring.
• Kuznetsov puts in an empty net goal to seal the deal for Washington.

Overall, it was an effort that can be best described as "booty." Miller played fairly well in his return from the injured list, but the defense let him down, with Matt Bartkowski and Edler at the forefront of the problems this game. Nothing worked offensively, either, as Willie Desjardins kept mixing lines (e.g. Vey-Cracknell-Burrows) to no avail. To conclude this segment, I'd like to end with what best describes the game last night: 

"This. Game sucked. This. Game sucked. This. Game sucked."